Happy April Fools! I hope everyone enjoyed this as much as I did. I am already starting to prepare for next year!
Once every 100 years, a technology is developed that changes the way that people view their world. Today, I am fortunate enough to be able to introduce one such technology. Internet, please make way for Webfluence, the world’s first and only search engine by SEOs for SEOs.
Background:
At SEOmoz, we have been trying to reverse engineer the search engines for years. Up until now, our biggest breakthrough had been the creation of Linkscape. Through studying the Internet’s link graph via our flagship product, we have been able to make several observations that have helped us write algorithms that are far superior to those used by modern day search engines.
This new software coupled with the easy availability of cloud computing has given us the ability to build a world class search engine. But don’t take our word for it, read the information below and try it out for yourself!
Key Features:
Never Link Build Again – Webfluence is the first search engine that enables any user to add any website to any search result. If you don’t see your website in a given search result, simply click “Add result” and provide us with information about your website.
Add any website to any search result
Your addition will instantly be added to our index and will propagate throughout our system so that your addition can be viewed globally.
Remove Your Competition – See a result that you don’t like? Simply hit the “remove” button and that result will be completely deleted from our index.
Remove any website from any search result
We are providing the power of the most sophisticated black hat techniques with the push of a button.
Technical Feats:
- 1 Trillion and 1 URLs – Our index is the biggest in the world. We accomplished this by utilizing our superior intellect (We Googled ” * “) and our patented technology (See Steves below) to find the one page on the Internet that our competition couldn’t. Our next planned milestone is 1 googol pages. Given the rapid explosion of copycat Digg/Facebook/YouTube sites, we expect this to happen on Tuesday of next week.
- Our Algorithm – In much the same way that PageRank ® was named after Google’s founder, Larry Page, Webfluence’s algorithm was named after our founder Rand Fishkin. The secret sauce behind RandRank ® is the use of time to help determine results. This is a metric that is generally overlooked by information retrieval experts.
- Recommended Results – Astute users may notice that on some queries, Webfluence automatically suggests pages that don’t seem to be related in any way to the user’s original query. This is the result of our manual reviewing staff. A long time ago a strange unidentified man in a tuxedo dropped a basket on our porch containing two twin boys. Eventually, the two youngsters, who we affectionately named Steve and Steve, grew up to become our manual review team. Now, whenever we need a page to return to a user, we just Ask Steves.
Our pride and joy, Steve and Steve (From left to right)
